Self-care has various definitions depending on which lens you look through Psych Central, Wiki, Mirriam-Webster, Urban Dic.

Psych Central most most aligns with N&K’s definition: something you do merely for yourself in a healthy manner, deliberate, and with personal meaning*. You may be relieved after finishing your to-do list, but this wasn’t done merely for yourself. You are happy you did the laundry that’s been piling up for weeks, but did you do it just for the personal joy?

Why self care?

We’d counter this with ‘why not?’ We spend all day running around, multi tasking, doing what’s expected or asked of us.

Why shouldn’t we do something that’s just for ourselves?

Self care helps relax and de-stress. (Refer to Livescience article and NIMH article.)

How often do I need to do this?

We believe self care should be done daily.

It could be taking 5 minutes to enjoy the unexpected afternoon sun. Doing a facemask with your kid. Having an espresso and cookie (or nookie) with your partner. Practicing your burlesque moves. Singing in the shower. Making your colleagues laugh with a silly joke. Complimenting a stranger**. Taking your pups out for a long hike.

Nals likes to get up early so she has time to enjoy her coffee in the quiet of the morning. Kells likes to take naps on her days off. We like to catch up when we’re both working in the same part of town.

Yeah but isn’t self care selfish?

Absolutely not! As long as it is healthy, done with awareness and has personal meaning. Our old pal Mirriam Webster’s definition. Sure, self care is focused on oneself.

But self care’s focus is not on self-advantage and not with disregard for others.

What’s the Oxford Comma Got to do with it?*

Nothing directly. But self care and The Oxford Comma elicits similar reactions: debates, strong opinions, and misperceptions.

If you do use either or both, do it consistently and with honest intention.

Comment below with how you do self care. Please keep comments PG-13, respectful and on-topic.

Footies
*yep here’s your Oxford comma, folks. Self care consists of 3 separate points: healthy, deliberate and meaningful. Without that last comma, ‘healthy manner’ means that choking down veggies is self care because it is deliberate and meaningful. Add the comma, and you can see that though eating veg is healthy, it may not be with deliberation or personal meaning. Oxford comma, broken down here https://www.grammarly.com/blog/what-is-the-oxford-comma-and-why-do-people-care-so-much-about-it/
** Avoid creepiness.

If you are a woman*, you know that this means you have to advocate for your health.

Going to the doctor can be stressful because we are often not listened to and treated as though we are overreacting.

A couple of years ago I was in a car accident. My car was written off and I was left with lower back injuries that increased in pain every day. Instead of getting better, I got worse.

In my professional life, I’m a strong advocate. In my personal life, I don’t like to do this. But my back injury left me facing my biggest hurdle: advocating for myself.

I was going to doctor appt after doctor appt: telling them that the pain is getting worse. After many appts, I convinced my doctor to get me a referral to a specialist, which was set for months down the road.

By this point, I had troubles waking up in the morning due to the pain.

It would take me a long time to sit up and work towards a stand, which was basically me hunched over, holding onto the dresser, breathing through the pain, hoping I won’t wet myself before I could make it to the toilet. I would slowly get ready and hobble my way to the car. After sitting in the car I would have to continue to breathe through my pain before starting the car and driving to work.

Yes, I still went to work. Mainly because I was told I needed to keep moving. And secondly, I couldn’t really afford not to as I was also working on my Masters degree. My accident was in January. By the summer, I couldn’t stand up straight. The pain was so overwhelming I thought I was losing my mind.

I saw the specialist and as soon as he asked me why I was there, I could barely talk through the tears. He told me that I needed a MRI and to see a surgeon. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown, but I was told to keep working and keep moving.

Meanwhile. I finished my Masters and started a full time job. Finally, I was scheduled for the MRI 6 months later and for an appt with a surgeon for a year later.

It was at this point that I knew I wasn’t going to last another year, let alone 6 months. I was taking it day by day. And near the end of August, I walked away from work because I was hunched right over, having tunnel vision due to the pain and absolutely losing it. The pain was so great I couldn’t think. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t sleep. I just couldn’t. I went to the doctor and I was given Morphine and offered methadonefor pain management. I declined the methadone. (I know way too much about it to accept it.) So, I took the morphine. It made me sleep but unfortunately did not kill the pain.

Thankfully I had a good lawyer, who was able to somehow convince the insurance company that paying to see the surgeon privately and for an MRI privately was the best option.

This moment changed everything.

I knew it was bad. By this point I had a dropped foot with no feelings below my ankle. It felt like bugs crawling on my skin and I wasn’t able to stand up straight. I wasn’t seeing straight, was on meds that weren’t working, and was hanging on by a thread.

I stopped checking in the doctors to give them the insurance information/updates and started to tell them I need help now.

The MRI showed I had 2 bulging discs and a herniated disc that was pressing itself into my sciatic nerve.

And, no amount of rehab was going to change anything.

I would need surgery.

Stay tuned next week for the conclusion of this article.