When I was heavier, I felt bombarded with images of thin, smooth-skinned, tall ladies as ‘beautiful’. If it was North American media, then tanned vixens. And if Bollywood media, then fair-skinned maidens. No one looked like me: pear-shaped, bespectacled, with frizzy unkempt waves & darker skinned… unless it was an actor who played an evil Bollywood mom. Or, was the star of a self-named comedy show (see posts on Tips 1-4, 5-8, 9-10). And I wasn’t any of those adjectives either!
And these thin women were portrayed as The Ultimate Show Ponies, dripping with confidence, promise, fulfilling lifestyles, happiness and sex appeal. Today, I say “Bravo!” to advertising and entertainment sectors for the deep ingrainment. They worked hard to get that image across. At the time, it didn’t occur to me that I didn’t know anyone else that looked like that, either. Move over Manson² and Heaven’s Gate, Media is the Ultimate brainwasher.
Keep in mind, my teen years were spent poring over glossy magazines with shiny images, talking on the phone with friends, and watching TV. We didn’t have internet or cell phones. My escape was TV and staying up late reading books¹. So growing up with rigid ideas of what the perfect 2-D body looks like makes a regular 3-D girl feel less-than.
In all honesty I thought once I lost weight³, I would be happier. Things would magically fall into place. Of course this is real-life, not a fairy tale.
Happiness is something you attain. It is not bestowed upon you.
I had to really think about what would make me happy. I love reading, photography, the theatre
and writing. I love all kinds of dance. I am happy when beautiful things surround me: people, clothes, art, wine, food. And I am happy after I have challenged myself.
I try to do things to push my personal boundaries like co-writing this blog. (Yes, I love writing but it’s not easy to put yourself out there.) I’ve taken loads of pictures, in public. Then put up these up for you all to see.
And last week, I started a burlesque class with Kells. Yes, burlesque. I love how bawdy, welcoming, tongue-in-cheek, flirty, raucous it is. And we had no idea about its fabulously clandestine history.
This is an intro class, with a lovely range of ladies across sizes, ages, shapes and abilities. About one third took the class to push themselves, have fun and become more comfortable in their own skin. Some of the same reasons as N&K!
you gotta wake the F up. Self-evaluate and make a plan of change.
Don’t just chug along with life. Grab it by the horns and point it in the right direction!
Footnotes
1 Thanks Judy Blume, Stephen King, Danielle Steele, Isaac Asimov for keeping me up too late
2 Charles, not Marilyn
3 According to a female family member, all I needed to do in my teen years, was lose weight, get rid of unsightly zits and get toss the glasses. (She was unsure of this last thing, as presumably, there were attractive librarians with glasses.) This aunt was a solid support to me. She never lied. But, she encouraged my strengths and didn’t let me forget them. And I adored her. (She was the next best thing to sliced bread!) So when she gave me this unsolicited bit of advice, which came out of the blue, I was heartbroken.
We’ve heard about fat shaming before – and most of us know about this first hand malheuresment– but never vulva shaming.
A good jumping off point is Wrenna Robertson’s blog post “Starting the conversation“. Vulva shaming is when 1 person chastises another female’s vulva for the way it looks. Typically the complaints are: tissue is too big, too flappy or just plain misshapen.
Let’s all take a moment to pause to really absorb this concept.
I can’t imagine saying to anyone, “Hey girl, you gotta do something about that snaggly-looking vulva.”
With the world we live in, can we not give each other a break? We’re now searching for fodder below the belt? How ludicrous to fault the look of something that’s not in our control.
Firstly, let’s get anatomical terms in order.
Vagina = the internal parts of female gentalia.
Vulva = umbrella term for external genitalia including both sets of labia & mons. Most of us have used the term vag or vagina when we were actually referring to the vulva.
Lo and behold, there is a wide variety colours, sizes and shapes of vulvas. There is no right and wrong.
Check out the variety at the informational website Australia’s Labia Library.¹
Since you are likely not in adult entertainment², comparing your A,B,Vs (or someone else’s) to that of a pornographic star’s is unfair. A lot of stars alter the way their bodies look: piercings, labiaplasty, skin bleaching, skin fillers, skin tighteners, etc. The playing field is not level. In fact, there’s nothing playful about this nonsense.
Just like other bodily tissue, vulvas can also get troubled or… start off troubled. If you feel or see something funny, feel or see a change or you’re just not sure, then get checked under the proverbial hood by a trusted gynecologist.
If you have been vulva (or body) shamed
please speak with a licensed health professional such as through the Canadian Psychology Association or American Psychology Association. And speak out against this inappropriate, unhelpful behaviour.
If you have engaged in vulva (body) shaming
then you need to get your issues sorted toute fg suite. The vulvas around you will look different from yours. You are probably not an expert³ on vulvar anatomy so please don’t embody one.
For more info on vulvar issues:
The V Book
National Vulvodynia Association
Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
The National Women’s Health Information Center
International Vulval Society
Footnotes
¹Wow a Labia Library? Yes N&Kers, those Aussies go down under to get the real goods on the goods.
²If you are in the adult entertainment field, consider the emo impact of how your body looks to others. Consider about non-intrusive methods to enhance body parts. Or better yet, go au naturel.
³And if you are an expert, vulva shaming is neither considered good bedside manner nor is it helpful.
Here‘s how the series started,
90 pounds ago. Read why I changed. I tell you how I made my changes, using the ME method: Tips 1-4 (includes S.M.A.R.T.ening up your goals) & Tips 5-8.
Kells’s life situation was a bit
different. She is a lifelong athlete. However, a back injury & years of schooling-and-sitting changed her body. But, she used the Tips… and here’s how she uniquely applied Tips 1-4 & 5-8.
We all have busy lives with deadlines and schedules. But your body deserves better than junky ass food and a sedentary day.
Think about meal plans, groceries and your exercise regime a week in advance. That way when something unexpected slows you down, you are already prepared. Like a superhero. (But better cuz it’s real!)
Fuel your body.
Get (and then keep on) m o v i n g!
Yes absolutely do your dedicated workout. But you can’t expect it to be as effective if you then just sit on your bum the rest of the day. Keep on moving!
The options are endless, folks.
Kells and I will be posting a lot more on this so BOLO.
Remember I said that this is not a diet. Diets are typically short periods of radical diet changes to lose weight. These are not good for your psyche, metabolism, habit reversals or empowerment.
This is a changing-your-outlook on life endeavor. And folks, life is totes more than just food and exercise!
It is important to do some self care every single day.
This can be as simple as:
So today …
I feel pretty darn good. I have lost some weight and inches. I have gained muscle, endurance & gumption. I have found healthier ways to cope. I have been pushing personal boundaries. In fact, on March 17, I finished my first 5KM Run! I was 6 minutes faster than my practice runs (which must have been all that adrenalin). I defo would not have considered doing that even 5 years ago. And we’re planning on doing another one in a month!
Kells and I are going to do a professional photoshoot tomorrow! Even a year ago I would’ve said No way.
Sure, I still struggle with some stuff like eating too much junk during that monthly hormone change. Or if I’ve not prepared my meal plan a week ahead^^.
It’s been 15 years… and sometimes I get stuck on the thought that I should have lost all of the weight already. But I know I’m moving forward and challenging myself in a lot of other ways.
I’m a sun-bunny. I love warm bright days. In the PNW, the weather may be mild but it’s damp which ≠ warm. Some mornings I’d rather just stay snuggled in my down duvet. I don’t always feel like getting up at 5 am to exercise.
But at the end of the day I know I’ll feel less ache-y, more energized and closer to my goals if I just get my cantankerous arse out if bed.

And that’s it (for now) for the 90 Pounds and Counting series. …. Stay tuned for how Kells broke down these Tips to suit her lifestyle. And we still have reviews coming your way.
What did you think about my 90 Pound Tips?
Common sense?
Surprising?
Ludicrous?
Leave a Comment below!
Footloose footnotes
^ other versatile dishes: grill a whole buckload of chicken & veggie kebabs (protein can also be tofu or veggie ground round). Use different marinades. Or, keep the marinade simple but dress it differently at service with salad, in a wrap or other starch. Dressing= tzatziki or raita style, cumin/oregano/lime, balsamic with fresh rosemary, Thai/Malaysian inspired coconut curry, Vietnamese bahn mi inspired sour-sweet-salty, French Provencal herbs with champagne vinegar or homemade Dijon.
* How to MJ salads: starting bottom up: salad dressing, hearty items (beans, peppers, fennel), leafy tenders then top with cheese/seeds/nuts. Keep upright until you are ready to eat. Then shake it up & enjoy. Use a similar idea for MJ yogurt: plain yogurt, hearty fruit, tender fruit and top off with granola/nuts.
** In our previous job, Kells & I would see clients on the 7th & 8th floors in DTES SROs. The stairs were old AF, rickety crickety, slanted, with short landings and usually covered in some UFOs (unidentified fluids or objects). And if that sounds treacherous, you don’t want to see the elevators.
^^IDK but it never ceases to amaze me that our pattern (including my spouse with a forever healthy BMI) is that when we don’t prep/plan our meals ahead of time, we scramble when our tums grumble. Which is usually for takeout ⇒ bigger portions, more salt and fat than home cooking. Plus it eats into your budget like a hungry hippo! Take a look at your own household’s patterns. Meal planning is not hard. It is not a chore. It is something that helps you to align with your life goals.
]]>In case you are late to the game, 90 Pounds and Counting is where my life was about 15 years ago. I was tired, unmotivated and coasting through life.
The follow-up post is available in Part Deux. Here I discuss my loss of 90 pounds and the other gains I made in life. Weight loss isn’t just a lower number on a scale. Meaningful weight loss is about changing your outlook on life.
So we’re going to give you The Secrets straight up. And for free. But first, a word from our sponsors.
Just kidding… Truth be told:
→→This is nothing new, and is mostly common sense.
→→Celebrities will tout the virtues of V-steaming* or a crimson-foods only diet or whatever fad is hot on the market.
That is them.
You is you.

When I changed my motivation from
Gotta: fit into those clothes
Gotta: be a certain size
Gotta: look a certain way
(translation: motivation was to fit in with everyone else)
Must: improve my own physical & mental health
Must: improve the health of my future self
(translation: motivation was to make me better because I choose to do it, not because someone guilted me or told me to),
And I found that my behaviours shifted naturally.
This shift happened a few weeks after I was diagnosed with a serious and chronic condition. (You can read about that in the first post of the series.)
You’re a unique human being. But what makes you you? Learn about yourself, your habits (bad and good), your family’s health history or your own diseases and disorders.
And, I’m not just talking food and exercise, folks. Surround yourself with like-minded supportive peeps.
Like attracts like. If you want to quit tobacco/caffeine/other drugs or want to train for a marathon or get into school… immerse yo’ fine self with people who are interested in doing the same. (Why do you think support groups are helpful!) If you only hang out with peeps who engage in the behaviours you want to change, how is that support adding value to your life? We’re not saying replace your old friends by making new ones. We’re saying… look up and see what other people are out there.
My overall goal was to lose 115 pounds. From my first post, you know I was intimidated by this number. Who the heck wouldn’t be!?!
So I broke this down into manageable realistic chunks. Click here to access my SMARTified goal template. In the doc, the gloomy gray goal is untenable. I show you how I made the goals within arm’s reach (in blue).
And try to have a workout buddy!
I started by dancing at home a couple times a week. And later on, when I joined a gym, my co-bootcamp babes kept me accountable when I missed a class.
I slowly worked up to what I do now, which is 6-7 days/week.
P r e v i o u s l y . . . On my workdays, I was on the elliptical, with weights in evening. Zumba on my days off.
N o w . . . I’m training for the 5 km, I’m jogging 3-4x/week. (Mixture of treadmill and outdoors.) On rest days, I’m swimming. Once weekly I’m at my dessert Zumba class.
That’s it for now, lovelies!
What do you think of our Helpful Tips thus far?
What are your thoughts on fad diets and celebrity toutings?
Please leave a comment below.
The footstuffies:
* yes there is a celebrity that’s advising ladies to steam their Vs. We need to consciously uncouple from that shizen. You should only steam your food, blocked sinuses and your blackheads.
** We can’t put all 10 in one post. That’s ludicrous! Why on earth would you be back if you’ve got all 10 tips in your pocket now? So we’ll feature Tips 5-10 over the next few weeks.
]]>Click here to read that post.
Yes, it’s a sad state of affairs but c’est vrai. There’s less of me to hug… (not that I’m much of a hugger anyways)
. . . I’ve lost: about 90 pounds, a few clothing sizes, some unhealthy habits and coping, some excessive anxiety and some of my self-critical automaton.
. . . I’ve gained:
For example, I could barely do 5 minutes on the elliptical. And now, I can do 60 minutes with my eyes closed**. One of my initial goals was to run 2 straight minutes. And now? Different story. At last count I could run at 4.5mph for 30 straight minutes. That’s on a treadmill. (Outside running is a different story grr… I’m still working on it.)
I’m training for my first 5k city fun run! Kells -and Mr. Kells- will be there of course. (They’ve done a few 5k runs, so it’s old hat to those 2 cute fit bits.) In our cheering section will be Mr. Nals, mumsey, mumsey-in-law and Lil Kiwi!~
I’ve also embraced the camera and… have taken loads of photos (on our Instagram). Previously, taking photos was extremely stressful and a negative experience. Now: it’s way funner^^ to let go and take quirky pictures. For our S. F. U. shots 1 2 3, we traipsed around with our photog gear, and vogued L, R & C. (Good exposure therapy for me: People saw us, were mildly curious and watched for a bit, and then went on about their day.)
In order to take nice pictures, you have to put yourself out there both physically and emotionally. (Think of those photos you begrudgingly take at family gatherings. Your eyes end up closed or your face is all contorted. Next time – embrace the photoshoot. I’ll bet yours will be the best-looking face in the group.~~)

So what’s my secret?
… Just add a pinch of cayenne!
The end bits and bobs:
^ yes this is cheezy AF. But it’s true. Weight loss, like many lifechanging behaviours, include gaining self awareness, motivation and then enacting right plan.
* I still have a bit of chicken wing but I’m working on it.
** (though not literally cuz I’d lose my balance).
^^ yep that’s a word.
~ When I texted the invitation to mumsey, she said, “Oh this is so exciting!” LOL isn’t she too cute for words?
~~ and if not, then there’s always next time, right.
*** This includes more smiling. Apparently my smile is better looking than my RBF. And hey the content of these last 2 posts were not totally easy for me to divulge either.
]]>What do you guys think?
RBF vs. Smiling?
Leave us your thoughts and comments on your experiences with weight loss, self awareness, motivation and changing lifelong bad habits.
From the age of 6, I was referred to as “fat”. I would defo agree with this adjective. But news non-flash! Being “fat” does not equate to a good thing in North America (borrowing Martha Stewart’s catchphrase). It’s mind boggling how pervasive that negativity is, surrounding the word “fat”. It reminds me of the static electricity ball, where moving witchy fingers of electricity reach out and nip you when you least expect it. It shouldn’t hurt but it does.
You heard of, read about or saw a flick about… That friend who is hesitant to go to her high school reunion. Her high school sweetheart is going to be there and she doesn’t feel she looks her best. But she attends, and comes back elated, stating “He has a fat and ugly wife!” Or “That celebrity-du-jour is looking real nasty, cause she’s gained so much weight.” Or (my fave) when people say “You would be so pretty if you weren’t so fat.”
Sometimes it feels that society says it’s ok to be a mass murderer as long as the murderer is not fat. Someone’s snarky behaviour is tolerated because it comes out of the mouth of a mini skinny.
Let’s not get all negative as there are some delights of being fat:

Going across L to R: 2001 Convocation, age 3, 2009 mendhi night, 2009 Wedding Day, age 6 and finally, present day dress & orange scarf!
The start of something. In my 20s, I was working at a bookstore when a customer called to see if a copy of Susan Orbach’s Fat is a Feminist Issue was available. I was intrigued by the title and read it. And boom my mind was blown! I never considered “fat” as a tool of rebellion. I definitely didn’t feel rebellious but… was I?
Regardless of subconscious rebellions, “fat” as associated with “fugly”, who deems it “unacceptable” and who keeps perpetuating these ideas… I was sick of feeling shitty. I was tired (lethargic yes, and tired of letting other people’s constant fat remarks get to me). I was physically achey, had a low mood & excessive anxiety. I had gone on all sorts of diets and they didn’t stick. (The weight stuck, not the loss part.) I was just fed up, and mentioned it to me mumsey. She suggested that I speak to our family doctor*. So I did. And he said he could help but first he wanted to do a work up. I thought “C’mon man, let’s just get on with it. I’m in my 20s what on earth can go wrong?”
But they found something… After some more tests and a biopsy later, I was diagnosed with a chronic disease. I was lucky they found it early. Most don’t seek help till decades later, when it’s too late to change. So, with a weird feeling of oddly-displaced luck, I toddled off to see my newly-appointed specialist*. She told me I had to lose 115 pounds, and it would take a couple of years.
Oh holy Murphy c’mon really?!? How many times did I try to but I couldn’t even lose 10?! This left me feeling mighty frustrated and hapless.
But then there came a point where I had to choose: to sit here and pickle in my misery, or to move forward.
So, I started by educating myself on the disease. And then I made small changes.
Please consult a licensed health professional prior to making changes in your life. What is beneficial to me may not be right for your body. And, things that the media depict as healthy may not be appropriate for your needs.
Some of my enjoyable childhood memories were learning to dance with mumsey (including watching Arthur Murray Dance Studio videos!). As such, Zumba beckoned me but I wasn’t quite ready to join public classes. So I started pin-ponning along with YouTube videos 2x/week. It took some time to find good videos. But I eventually found Linda Edler, Sid Vicious and Shani McGraham-Shirley. (Thank you, lovely ladies!)
I looked at portions and nutrition labels. This can certainly be overwhelming. So, I’d suggest focussing on a couple of values at a time, not the entire label. (Your focus is decided by you and your health team, not the media or your skinny friend or me.***)
To my amazement, my weight dropped and… holy frig it kept dropping! It was exhilarating. Like a roller coaster… But uh … actually enjoyable. (Sorry Kells I know you heart the rollers.)
My specialist said that’s a great start but you need to join a gym, missy. So, I reluctantly joined one**, and got hooked on boot camp. My awesome bootcamp leader Miss Martina (now at Train on Main) knew when to push me and when to back off. I was also inspired by her weight loss story. And my fellow bootcampers, though all lifelong slim shadies, were very supportive as well. Ohhhh this was spectacular!
The footies:
* I must give a shout-out to my fam doc, Dr. H. He was and is wonderful – always gentle, respectful and kind. And of course a shout-out to my specialist Dr. S. Both docs are slim, well-dressed and clearly smart. But never judgemental. So thank you to you both from the depths of my now-conditioned heart.
** I was reluctant to join a gym because I was anticipating judgemental attitudes. At the time, there wasn’t a huge variety of gyms. It seemed like only those who appeared in Jane Fonda videos were at the gyms that I checked out. I have also experienced people shouting out their negative comments to me while I was exercising. A good combo, these did not make.
*** What I mean by this is that we often hear about things like cutting fat or increasing fibre. However, if you have an allergy or digestive tract issue, increasing fibre may be harmful. Don’t take what you hear at face value. Find out the what-why-who-where-when before you choose to apply it to your life.
What are your experiences with weight dysphoria? Care to share? Please comment below!
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