Tag: self awareness

Change of Choice

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I’ve been thinking a lot about changes lately.

Some career opportunities have come up and so a rehaul was due.

A few years ago, I made a huge change. I left the comfort of my full-time job in mental health, to go to a part-time job in the medical field. I needed to switch gears. And the leftover time would allow me to pursue my business idea and some extras.

This was a brilliant move!

Then things started to feel a little stale. Burlesque, getaways and fitness made things a bit exciting and now we’re back to a feeling a bit stagnant.

So, I took a leap of faith on some opportunities that happened to come my way. And, it’s official: I’m back full-time in mental health!

Overall, this is a good move for me and my future. Then why do I feel this anxiety, which is overwhelming at times?

Did you know that stress is multidimensional?

It affects our cognitive, physical, behavioural and social dimensions.

Stress can*:

  • have a positive (eustress) and/or negative (distress) nature,
  • have a time frame: acute or chronic (or even acute on chronic),
  • be planned or unexpected.

There are pros and cons to everything. And that’s okay. It’s in how you process it and to find appropriate supports.

For me, the CBT approach works best. I know that I ruminate in my feelings like a dog rolls around in a rotting carcass**. My previous negative experiences roll into it. And all these feelings become overwhelming. They overwhelm my logic and I sink farther into the well. I also have a tendency to bottle it all up°.

What works for me

  1. I recognize there’s a problem°°,
  2. I label my feelings and thought distortions,
  3. I use logic to break my thought cycles,
  4. I talk it out with a trusted support person.
  • Work the steps
  • Support!
  • Awareness
  • Give time for it to be manageable

This is what works for me. I’ve read a lot about these techniques. I’ve done research on it. I’ve facilitated & observed CBT. I’ve had my own multi-modal therapy.

Please keep in mind that I’ve had a lot of exposure and practice so I know what works for me. This may not be what works for you.

If you are new to CBT or its tenets don’t quite resonate, N&K encourage you to research different techniques. And then to get appropriate support.

Here is a list of clickable resources to get you N&Kers started:

The Anxiety & Worry Workbook

Bounceback: Reclaim Your Health (depression)

Women’s Anger Management Workbook

Men’s Anger Management Workbook

Boundaries

Brene Brown podcasts and books

Anxiety Canada

Footnotes:
*Winning a competition can be positive. But, there can be negatives too such as feeling more pressure to win the next comp and feeling like the need to train harder. But maybe you don’t have the resources or social support for this.
*An example of acute on chronic is: having a large distressing debt and then all of a sudden, my car breaks down. I don’t have the money to fix it but I need my car to get to work to help pay down the debt.
**Except I don’t want to roll around in it.
°Not sure why I bottled shit up. It’s probably rooted in not being able to trust. But I’ve learned that I have lots of supportive people around, and I can trust them.
°°It took me a long time to realize that feelings are not fact. Feelings can be overwhelming. There are a lot of tools to help me manage. And I know I can manage when I recognize there’s an issue.

Self-Care & The Oxford Comma

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We keep hearing about the virtues of self-care. But what exactly is it?

Self-care has various definitions depending on which lens you look through Psych Central, Wiki, Mirriam-Webster, Urban Dic.

Psych Central most most aligns with N&K’s definition: something you do merely for yourself in a healthy manner, deliberate, and with personal meaning*. You may be relieved after finishing your to-do list, but this wasn’t done merely for yourself. You are happy you did the laundry that’s been piling up for weeks, but did you do it just for the personal joy?

  • Pondering
  • Self care

Why self care?

We’d counter this with ‘why not?’ We spend all day running around, multi tasking, doing what’s expected or asked of us.

Why shouldn’t we do something that’s just for ourselves?

Self care helps relax and de-stress. (Refer to Livescience article and NIMH article.)

How often do I need to do this?

We believe self care should be done daily.

Self care doesn’t have to be complicated or drawn out.

It could be taking 5 minutes to enjoy the unexpected afternoon sun. Doing a facemask with your kid. Having an espresso and cookie (or nookie) with your partner. Practicing your burlesque moves. Singing in the shower. Making your colleagues laugh with a silly joke. Complimenting a stranger**. Taking your pups out for a long hike.

Nals likes to get up early so she has time to enjoy her coffee in the quiet of the morning. Kells likes to take naps on her days off. We like to catch up when we’re both working in the same part of town.

Yeah but isn’t self care selfish?

Absolutely not! As long as it is healthy, done with awareness and has personal meaning. Our old pal Mirriam Webster’s definition. Sure, self care is focused on oneself.

But self care’s focus is not on self-advantage and not with disregard for others.

What’s the Oxford Comma Got to do with it?*

Nothing directly. But self care and The Oxford Comma elicits similar reactions: debates, strong opinions, and misperceptions.

If you do use either or both, do it consistently and with honest intention.

Comment below with how you do self care. Please keep comments PG-13, respectful and on-topic.

Footies
*yep here’s your Oxford comma, folks. Self care consists of 3 separate points: healthy, deliberate and meaningful. Without that last comma, ‘healthy manner’ means that choking down veggies is self care because it is deliberate and meaningful. Add the comma, and you can see that though eating veg is healthy, it may not be with deliberation or personal meaning. Oxford comma, broken down here https://www.grammarly.com/blog/what-is-the-oxford-comma-and-why-do-people-care-so-much-about-it/
** Avoid creepiness.

Welcome to 2019, you gorgeous N&Kers!

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While most others are focussing on New Year’s Resolutions posts… here at N&K, we like to do things a little differently.

First thing is first: let’s look at the importance of routine. We feel that routine rules the roost. Once we get back on the horse, many things fall into place- eating better, drinking less alcohol, watching nutritional intake, exercising more, meditating more, increasing awareness of snarky moods.

NY Resolutions are like “diets”… people think that a new year is going to automatically & magically change behaviours. People don’t think things through, don’t plan for obstacles, then fall off the wagon and say… FML, I’m going back to my old habits.

So… During the holidays, we have likely all have stopped our daily healthy routines. We have been indulging in sweets & savouries, taking lots of down time, having lots of sleep-ins. Or, maybe we’ve been the hosts of a huge family/friend gathering and the anxiety of making things perfect for the guests. Perhaps we are in retail business, so we’ve been stressed with working: making quotas, working OT, plastering on smiles…

Nals started the downward spiral in early December. I was getting ready for a performance. So, I was practicing a lot & doing late night dress rehearsals. I was going to bed late, not eating at my usual times, and not doing meal prep… I wasn’t exercising at my usual times or places so it all went to hell in a hand basket PDQ. Right now, I’m probably sleeping off the ringing-in of The New Year in NZ. (BTW, one of the first folks in the world to do so!) So when I get back into GVA, I’m going to start off by getting proper groceries, doing meal prep, and getting back into my early-to-bed early-to-rise routine. That’ll be best, & also will help me mitigate that bloody jet lag.

Kells’s routine was mucked up due to the common December cold. Usually I just power through the cold and keep it going… but this year I was exhausted and slightly feverish. So I missed one day, then a few days, then a week. Yikes! And here’s the thing, it was so easy to fall. Way to easy. I was getting pretty proud of myself for not falling…be even the mighty fall. Hahaha!

Ok…so I got a cold and I’m not going to the gym, and it wasn’t far after that, I wasn’t eating well and wasn’t drinking lots of water! And it didn’t help I made 4 types of cookies. And we all know it’s coming…holidays, cookies, turkey dinners and we plan for it…even I planned for it. I was determined not to fall but down I went.

But now its time to get back in the swing…and honestly I’m not looking forward to squeezing myself into the gym with all the new years resolutionars. But unfortunately it’s part of the process of getting back at it after the holidays, just happens to fall in January.

I just want to suggest that before you dive into the gym, work on your SMART goals and figure out your motivation (what is motivation, what’s your motivation and how does your motivation help you). Nals and I have talked about it many times in our previous posts so I really recommend scanning through those.

How about you guys? How will you get back on track?

90 pounds and counting… Part Deux

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A while back I talked about starting on my journey of self-discovery^.  

Click here to read that post.  

So, let’s cut to 15 years later. . .

Yes, it’s a sad state of affairs but c’est vrai. There’s less of me to hug… (not that I’m much of a hugger anyways)

 . . . I’ve lost: about 90 pounds, a few clothing sizes, some unhealthy habits and coping, some excessive anxiety and some of my self-critical automaton.

 

. . . I’ve gained:        

  • strength.  Initially, I struggled to exercise with 2-pound weights. And now I’ve got me some pipes, yo!* If it wasn’t for tendonitis, I’d be doing push ups left right and centre. Yeah and I’d be an old pro at those burpees.  (You know that unnatural unnecessary abnormal ‘conditioning’ exercise.)

  • endurance. I came across this interesting BBC article  Is Physical Endurance All In The Mind?   Yes I think a large part of it lives in your brain – different parts: making new synaptic connections, challenging yourself, improving your skills.

For example, I could barely do 5 minutes on the elliptical. And now, I can do 60 minutes with my eyes closed**. One of my initial goals was to run 2 straight minutes. And now? Different story. At last count I could run at 4.5mph for 30 straight minutes. That’s on a treadmill.  (Outside running is a different story grr… I’m still working on it.)

I’m training for my first 5k city fun run!  Kells -and Mr. Kells- will be there of course.  (They’ve done a few 5k runs, so it’s old hat to those 2 cute fit bits.)  In our cheering section will be Mr. Nals, mumsey, mumsey-in-law and Lil Kiwi!~  

  • gumption. I strive to push my comfort levels a little. On the last few trips I’ve been on, I’ve done something different. I’ve zip lined, spelunked, explored volcanos and hiked all over the world. For a lot of peeps, this is the norm.  Until now, it was challenging for me.

I’ve also embraced the camera and… have taken loads of photos (on our Instagram).  Previously, taking photos was extremely stressful and a negative experience.  Now: it’s way funner^^ to let go and take quirky pictures.  For our S. F. U. shots 1  2  3, we traipsed around with our photog gear, and vogued L, R & C.  (Good exposure therapy for me: People saw us, were mildly curious and watched for a bit, and then went on about their day.)

In order to take nice pictures, you have to put yourself out there both physically and emotionally. (Think of those photos you begrudgingly take at family gatherings.  Your eyes end up closed or your face is all contorted.  Next time – embrace the photoshoot.  I’ll bet yours will be the best-looking face in the group.~~)

  • a better outlook on life.  When you stop making excuses, see all the awesomeness out there and just do… It’s amazing how wonderful life is.  No, life isn’t perfect.  The world isn’t perfect.  But at least you’re trying to improve yourself.
  • greater self-awareness.
  • the skills to be more trusting and open.  Because of a whole bunch of reasons, I tend(ed) to be private. I’m trying to be more social and… open about me***.  And you know, it’s not too bad. (Not sure the people around me would agree lol.)

So what’s my secret?

 … Just add a pinch of cayenne!

Ha I wish cuz I love me my spicy food.
In all honesty, there is no secret. But I have figured out a few helpful things along the way that I’ll share with you over the next few weeks.  Kells will also weigh in with her thoughts.
Stay tuned, N&Kers!

The end bits and bobs:

^ yes this is cheezy AF. But it’s true.  Weight loss, like many lifechanging behaviours, include gaining self awareness, motivation and then enacting right plan.

* I still have a bit of chicken wing but I’m working on it.

** (though not literally cuz I’d lose my balance).

^^ yep that’s a word.

~ When I texted the invitation to mumsey, she said, “Oh this is so exciting!” LOL isn’t she too cute for words?

~~ and if not, then there’s always next time, right.

*** This includes more smiling. Apparently my smile is better looking than my RBF.  And hey the content of these last 2 posts were not totally easy for me to divulge either.

What do you guys think?  

RBF vs. Smiling?

Leave us your thoughts and comments on your experiences with weight loss, self awareness, motivation and changing lifelong bad habits.