Category: Motivation

N&K posts on motivation.

Blue Monday

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Apparently today is Blue Monday.

N&K at the immersive Van Gogh exhibit in August 2021.https://www.imagine-vangogh.com/

The 3rd Monday in January is the day where it all comes to a sad peak of the post-holiday blues, credit card bills, dark nights and perhaps health concerns from all the rich food.

There is definitely something to this, we think. 

Everyone is excited about the summer.

Autumn is about getting ready for school, hunkering down for winter.

Winter can be beautiful with snow here in P-N-dubs. But, in the lower mainland, the snow quickly becomes an unpalatable mess of mud, salt, slushy snow and rain.  Yuck! 

So, we look forward to the Christmas festivities.  Takes our mind off of the gross weather and on to the pleasantries of baking, shopping, wrapping, eating & partying.  Of course, this year, Ommi forced us to retreat to our safe bubbles. No work parties, no Secret Sanat, no extravagant dinners with a bunch of fab friends…

Reality sets in… hence Blue Monday.

What can I do about it if it’s reality?

We’re not saying you should ignore reality. What we’re saying is that this is a good time to get reacquainted with self-care & joy.

  • Connect with loved ones virtually
  • Engage in self care
  • Get back to healthy eatingTry exercising – especially walks on the brighter weather days
  • Take your medications as prescribed (when feeling blue, it’s easy to forge
  • Talk to your health professional about the SAD lamp or other ways to copeKeep a regular sleeping schedule
  • Enjoy what you have. Be mindful.
  • Put your worries in a box for a few hours. Worrying all day will not help solve anything.
  • Talk about it or journal
  • Think about fun stuff to do. When was the last time you painted? Sledded? Collaged? Read a novel? Took your pups or kids out for a fun walk? Played a video game? Made a snowperson? Made a slideshow of photos? Snuggled your pet or loved one?

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Some of these suggestions might not even float your boat. And that’s okay.  But you’ve got some other ideas in that noggin of yours.  So get to steppin, you beautiful beast.

This list might be overwhelming.  Pick 1 or 2 things that seem interesting and go from there.

What are Nals & Kells doing?

I’m getting back into writing this blog.  Kells is still recoveringfrom Christmas cheer. & we are both doing another session of burly classes this month.

N&K Burlesque Update 2021

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Time has really chowed down on 2021. How are we already on the tail end of the year? Mind-blowing!

Our burly performance classes are back on.  The studio class sizes are small and have requirements to be masked & vaxxed.  Or folks can choose to Zoom in.   

Showcase

Most exciting of all… we’re also going to have a student showcase!  We haven’t performed on stage in a year.  Oh goodness we are looking forward to the hustle & bustle of the time leading up to a performance.  

  • Nals in practice 2019
  • Kells in practice 2019

Androsia

Kells & I are in Androsia Wilde’s Island Gyal Flow.  This is our first progressive with Androsia.  We’re looking forward to flowing and exploring our heritages. 

Cherry on Top

We are also taking Cherry On Top’s Art of Burlesque Starlet Level for intermediate levels.  We’ll be rocking, rolling and perfecting how to give face. 

We’ll be perfecting our fierceness. Taken just before Kell’s first burly show.

Stay tuned N&Kers…

N&K Burlesque Update

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We’re now into 2020 burlesque year, folks.

2020 is a year of changes. And here is the evidence…

Two VBC🔗 instructors are on preggo leave³. So, the interim instructors² are bringing in new hot exciting classes.

Nals is taking a tap class. Hmm how does tap tie into contemporary burlesque? Excellent question. Guess you guys will have to come out to watch how Cleo Victory🔗 whips us into shape.

Kells is taking chair level 2. Yes you heard that right. Level bloody 2 with Chastity Twist🔗! Kells is learning how to contort in new slithers. The performance promises to be sizzling.

We are both taking a second class which is with newbie Ginger Avenue¹🔗. We’ll be bumping and grinding down under¹, to classic burlesque moves.

So come check us out at The Rio Theatre 🔗on Thursday, March 12, 2020.

Footnotes: ¹Ginger is a new instructor but has been performing for years. She’s an Aussie! ²The second instructor is Portia de Favro🔗. N&K were itching to try one of her classes but she’s only doing intermediate and advanced. After a year of burlesquing, we feel that we’re past beginner stage but not quite intermediate.³Congratulations to Cherry on Top and Ariel Helvetica on bringing 2 new tinies to the GVA!

IDS: Ideas +

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I (Kells) have been busy this week. I’m planning my besties engagement shower for this weekend, but staying true to myself, I needed to add more things. So I went to Address Assembly on Wednesday night then the opening of Vancouver’s Interior Design Show on Thursday night.

If you follow us on IG you may have seen a post several months ago about me renovating. Well this is still happening. But it also means that I get to indulge in my 2nd greatest passion, interior design!

My friend, and former school mate, invited me to come to IDS to check it out, and see the launch of her newest company Ffabb. So of course I’m going to say yes!

First, Address Assembly was a smaller scale IDS, with local designers showcasing their beautiful crafts. They was everything from jewelry to hand crafted cutlery to a swing set seating area to couches to wall art. It was like an art gallery where you were allowed to touch, feel and sit on the displays. Plus they served alcohol and had a meat and cheese platter. Can’t go wrong with a meat and cheese platter! Cool side note, I hear the host Kate, was in my grad class. Sadly, I don’t know that we ever spoke! But very cool she’s doing such a neat event! I’d like to say “I knew her when” but I didn’t, so I can’t.

Address Assembly is still happening till the 29th from 10 to 6 at 550 Malkin Ave in Vancouver. It’s free! But you can make a donation which will go to the BCSPCA.

Now IDS, its happening now till the 29th of September at the Convention center downtown Vancouver. It’s got big venders from Volvo and Versace to smaller Vancouver based companies, like my friends newest company Ffabb. I want to share Ffabb with you. But first I’ll finish my thought on IDS. I really enjoyed my time. What I wish is that companies that are promoting their business at IDS, would give special promotions or something. I did pay to get it after all!! Some places did offer a promotion, like Bear Blooms who were letting people spin for extra free boxes or giving away a free box when you signed up. Would have loved to signed up but can’t because of my renos. But other exhibitors just wanted to give you their boring speech. Like, I get it, it’s a stone sink. I don’t want your stone cold sales speel about it. No offense, most people there are just to look and get ideas. They don’t want the ugly potato sack you are trying to sell as a lounge chair. Inspire me! Don’t bore me. Overall it was neat. I got a flamingo drink holder from Norburn lighting. Don’t ask me why a flamingo drink holder is good advertising for a light fixture, I’d rather a coupon! But hey, people stopped me to ask where they could get their flamingo.

Ok, now Ffabb. Here’s the thing, I’m over the top impressed and proud that my highschool grad class has someone in the IDS. How freaking cool is that!? And not only that, its a real amazing product. It’s not some ugly art piece that looks like burnt popsicle sticks glued to a stand (yes this was there, yes it was ugly, yes it looked just like burnt popsicle sticks on a stand) but this small town girl and school mate, from the class of ’99 has made a furniture line you actually want to own. It’s locally made, it’s got heart, it’s made with love and its sooooo nice. I’m obsessed with the “angler” and I desperately want/need the Coasty Slim: lagoon sectional in my life. Please check out this girl’s amazing work and design. I also noticed her website says -20% off until Oct 15th!! Now that’s worth looking into!

I’m pooped! If you need a lil inspiration and want something to do while dt, you’ll go to the IDS. If you do, please visit the Ffabb booth! Plus there’s pillow balls!

Kells

Change of Choice

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I’ve been thinking a lot about changes lately.

Some career opportunities have come up and so a rehaul was due.

A few years ago, I made a huge change. I left the comfort of my full-time job in mental health, to go to a part-time job in the medical field. I needed to switch gears. And the leftover time would allow me to pursue my business idea and some extras.

This was a brilliant move!

Then things started to feel a little stale. Burlesque, getaways and fitness made things a bit exciting and now we’re back to a feeling a bit stagnant.

So, I took a leap of faith on some opportunities that happened to come my way. And, it’s official: I’m back full-time in mental health!

Overall, this is a good move for me and my future. Then why do I feel this anxiety, which is overwhelming at times?

Did you know that stress is multidimensional?

It affects our cognitive, physical, behavioural and social dimensions.

Stress can*:

  • have a positive (eustress) and/or negative (distress) nature,
  • have a time frame: acute or chronic (or even acute on chronic),
  • be planned or unexpected.

There are pros and cons to everything. And that’s okay. It’s in how you process it and to find appropriate supports.

For me, the CBT approach works best. I know that I ruminate in my feelings like a dog rolls around in a rotting carcass**. My previous negative experiences roll into it. And all these feelings become overwhelming. They overwhelm my logic and I sink farther into the well. I also have a tendency to bottle it all up°.

What works for me

  1. I recognize there’s a problem°°,
  2. I label my feelings and thought distortions,
  3. I use logic to break my thought cycles,
  4. I talk it out with a trusted support person.
  • Work the steps
  • Support!
  • Awareness
  • Give time for it to be manageable

This is what works for me. I’ve read a lot about these techniques. I’ve done research on it. I’ve facilitated & observed CBT. I’ve had my own multi-modal therapy.

Please keep in mind that I’ve had a lot of exposure and practice so I know what works for me. This may not be what works for you.

If you are new to CBT or its tenets don’t quite resonate, N&K encourage you to research different techniques. And then to get appropriate support.

Here is a list of clickable resources to get you N&Kers started:

The Anxiety & Worry Workbook

Bounceback: Reclaim Your Health (depression)

Women’s Anger Management Workbook

Men’s Anger Management Workbook

Boundaries

Brene Brown podcasts and books

Anxiety Canada

Footnotes:
*Winning a competition can be positive. But, there can be negatives too such as feeling more pressure to win the next comp and feeling like the need to train harder. But maybe you don’t have the resources or social support for this.
*An example of acute on chronic is: having a large distressing debt and then all of a sudden, my car breaks down. I don’t have the money to fix it but I need my car to get to work to help pay down the debt.
**Except I don’t want to roll around in it.
°Not sure why I bottled shit up. It’s probably rooted in not being able to trust. But I’ve learned that I have lots of supportive people around, and I can trust them.
°°It took me a long time to realize that feelings are not fact. Feelings can be overwhelming. There are a lot of tools to help me manage. And I know I can manage when I recognize there’s an issue.

Me vs the World

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So if you follow us on Instagram you know we recently did the student show case with the Vancouver Burlesque Company. I got to dance with a level 2 group. I was totally out of my element and felt very insecure.

Dancing puts me in a vulnerable position.

  • 1. I’m not a small girl. So I feel like its obvious, me, this giant chick on the stage
  • 2. Being giant, you are gunna see that a) I’m bigger than others, height and weight and b) you will see I’m not a good dancer (especially since I was dancing with former dancers).
  • 3. Others in my dance classes are good dancers. They have danced before and they know what position 1 means.
  • 4. I was told when I was younger, and wanted to join ballet, that I cant be a dancer because I’m to tall (Stupid that the things we are told when we are young sticks with us). 

So yah, I’m feeling vulnerable but determined to do it. But this experience got me thinking about my thoughts vs others. What I see is me as an elephant in the room, dancing with cute ballerinas. BUT what others see is me doing well. I got good feedback from my friends. But these crappy feelings of me looking stupid flood other parts of my life too.

For example, at my gym, for the longest time, I always thought I could see my tummy reflecting off the heater that is located on the roof right above me. It literally took me over a year to realize it wasn’t my belly at all, but the big ball I was using making the reflection!

  • What I think you see…
  • …reality

Like what the heck!?

Why? Why do I assume, this big ball is my stomach reflecting? Why do I go to a negative place? Why didn’t see a ball? Why didn’t I see me accomplishing this one work station that I’ve struggled with for so long?

Whhhhhyyyyyyyyy???? 

I’m so annoyed with myself when I realized I’ve been doing this. Nals and I have talked about this (a lot). We always remind each other that we are pointing out negative things and will say “that’s not what I see”. As much as I have focused on trying to be body positive, and not negative on myself, I still find I have moments (like mentioned above) where I still beat myself up. I still see negative things. 


But here’s what I can do:

 1. Listen to the positive feedback

2. Recognize when Im being negative 

3. Continue to challenge myself

4. Remember to love myself 

5. Celebrate my accomplishments 


I know I’m not the only one that goes through this. Please share the ways you challenge your negative self talk and ways you love yourself!! 

20 Years in the Making

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So I (Kells) sucked it up, put my fears on hold and went to my 20 year grad reunion. 

Back ground: I was not one of the “cool” kids. I had many friends and floated from group to group but I never had that crew. I didn’t sit in one spot, or hide out in the back field. I simply survived high school by roaming, moving and saying hi to those that would say hi back. I viewed myself as a band/theater geek. But no one asked me to the prom (however I was more than happy to go with my bestie), I tried to avoid the school bullies and I learned to just laugh at myself (especially before others could laugh at me). 

So 20 years has come and gone. (I did go to my 10 year reunion, it was still weird). People still had their clicks but what was neat was at the 10 year reunion, one of the dudes that was always mean to me came up to me and apologized. It was really shocking but very nice of him to do. I totally respect him for that. 

I didn’t know who I would see, or what to expect. I went to the reunion (even the 10 year) without the hubs. I tried to say hi to everyone I could, though some did not recognize me and some still snubbed me. 

But I wanted to share the things I didn’t expect.

  • 1. A few people told me they had a crush on me. Surprised me as I always had a low view on my looks in high school, so never thought anyone would like me. Plus I was generally a foot taller than most people, which made me stick out, or above the crowd. Also made me self conscious.
  • 2. I heard other people (even those I deemed as cool) talk about trying to survive. One person mentioned staying in  their clump, because to them, survival was in numbers.
  •  3. Most people agreed who the school jerk was. He was there too. I didn’t get to talk to him, but if I did, I was gunna tell him he wasn’t nice. Why not? I would want someone to tell me if I were mean to them in high school cuz I would like to apologize. (Not that I expected him to apologize).
  •  4. A couple people thanked me for always being so nice to them. I didn’t realize I had that impact. They even remembered things about me I didn’t! It was so touching. 
  • 5. I got this at both my 10 and 20 year: “you’re so pretty now”. Dont say that. It’s mean. This time I responded with, thanks, I think you are trying to be nice, so I will take that as a nice compliment.
  • 6. People said they didn’t remember me until I started talking and laughing and this is what they remember me for. Sad cuz I laugh like a donkey but atleast I was remembered for laughing!!! I will definitely take that.
  • 7. I had fun. Who knew? I laughed so hard, that my abs hurt, even 2 days later. I stayed up way to late and I went to sleep feeling happy. 
  So why was I so happy? Well I suppose a few reasons... 
  • 1. I realized that jerk in high school is still a jerk and that it wasn’t me, it was him.
    • 2. I went in to the reunion hoping to just have fun and not hide. Mission accomplished!
  • 3. I’m happy with my life. I have everything I could ask for. I laugh. I live. I love.
    • 4. It was nice to hear feedback about my high school self that was completely different than what I though I was. Where I saw fluttering from group to group to try to hide/blend, others saw as social. People saw me as kind, laughing and fun. And guess what, I am those things!  
The location of the 20 year reunion
I have so many friends that don’t want to do their reunion because high school sucked. But I heard from many of my classmates that it sucked for them too!! Thank goodness high school isn’t the best years of our lives! I want to live my best life now, and feel that I am. I want to encourage you to attend your reunion! Talk to people. Ignore those who still suck and learn that our negative self high school image is not what others have seen!
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Thoughts on Burlesque

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As you N&Kers know, both K&I are taking burlesque classes through Vancouver Burlesque Company. In fact, 2 each this term!
So, this will be K’s 2nd & 3rd performances. And my 3rd & 4th performances.

Instagramming our way through chair burlesque

When I first started burlesque, I was shy about telling people.

I thought I would be judged for the type of dance, or that I would dare to do it because I don’t have a dancer’s body. And culturally speaking, I was taught to be modest. Prancing around in your undergarments is not modest. I’m also too old to take on something like burlesque! And lastly, there are only a handful of visible minorities in burlesque. I definitely felt out-of-place. This translated into me being shy about talking about it.

Holy batman! All these internal battles!

Rectifying internal battles

Type of dance: I try to educate people on the burly history. It’s not just about shaking your tail feathers. This is another way to express how you’re processing society’s zeitgeist. Don’t believe me? Then look at all the sub-genres: nerdlesque, contemporary, chair, etc.

Dancer’s body: Burlesque initially came out because poor folks poked fun at the richie-rich operas/shows. With burlesque, essentially, anything goes. Different bodies, shapes, colours, abilities… it is about you telling your story. How are you interacting with the audience?

Too old: Yes, I’m older than my instructors and classmates. But, the only person who has made me feel ‘too old’ is me. Last showcase, there was a 60+-year-old woman who did a saucy chair solo. She was fantastic!

Modesty: This term means to act demure, and can include dressing in a non-sexually aggressive manner. Is it a vehicle of oppression? Perhaps it is to be deliciously explored in future burlesque?

When you are on stage, you are taking on a persona that’s bigger-than.

Maybe you’re klutzy? Super comedic? Have the ability to sensually slither along the stage? Have long legs? Expressive face? Love performing in drag?

Now…

… I talk about being in burlesque all the time. I’m excited that I can be part of it! I’ve got access with Vancouver Burlesque Company. (Screaming Chicken, K&I are coming for you, soon!) It’s affordable both financially and timewise.

The benefits

I’m engaging in self-care. I’m getting fitter and honing in on different fitness goals. I get to dress up, make costumes, have fun, learn to move, meet new people, dance with Kells, listen to music, feel inspired, feel empowered, feel confident, have a creative outlet and be around positivity.

I’ve learned that I’m not as klutzy as I thought I was. I’ve got a bit of rhythm. I’ve learned that I can jellybean, plank off of a chair, go from a standing position to the floor then do an inchworm push up in heels… all in rhythm to music!

Stage Presence

Performing on stage isn’t for everyone. With VBC, you can actually just take the class without doing the final show. And, last Fall when I took my first class, I didn’t plan on performing. But by the end, I thought: why the frig not?

Being on stage is simply exhilarating. Hearing the audience cheer and whistle. Feeling those positive vibes. Performers excited and buzzing with adrenaline. It is a fabulous feeling!

So, if you are remotely interested in this genre, K&I encourage you to take a class with VBC (or SC). Or in the very least, come and check us out. Tickets available online here.

It hurts so boob

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So I mentioned that I had back surgery and I had to advocate for myself.

This motivated me to start dealing with the health issues I had been ignoring for years. The first one was my tonsils. They were large and in charge. Basically, I had swollen tonsils all day every day. I made an appt with my doctor, showed her that even though I’m not currently sick, they are swollen and asked to see a specialist. I went to see them, again not sick, and they told me that I should have had my tonsils removed years ago. Which I knew already. So I had them removed (had some complications but survived & trust me you don’t want to hear these bloody details). BUT this also meant I needed to follow up with my breasts.

Zoinks!

Yuppers, I have breast issues. Mainly, they often hurt.

So here’s what they tell you when you are under 40 and you have breast pain: Don’t worry, it’s not cancer, Cancer doesn’t hurt.

Oh good. So you are under 40. You are in pain. And you don’t need to worry.

That’s it?

NO! So I went to see a specialist. And I was told I have fibrocystic breasts. Oh and if it gets worse come back. But there’s nothing you can do about it. You can try prim rose oil, but I have done researched it and discovered there is no evidence that prim rose oil helps. Some people say it does, some say it doesn’t. But I tried it. Can’t say it’s helped.

Sooo, it got worse. The pain expanded in strength and size. So I tell my doctor, who contacts the specialist that told me to come back if it gets worse. AND…denied. The specialist says no because there’s nothing they can do. Then why did you say come back! Arg.

So since I’m under 40, no other specialist will see me, as I’m too young to have cancer.

Here’s what I experience: consistent breast pain throughout the month. Then the pain increases to extremely sharp jabs of pain once or twice a month. On the one side, it radiates down into my arm pit, sometimes even extends further.

My doctor send me for ultra sounds and a mammogram. Let me tell you, having painful breast tissue squished is not a pleasant feeling. I was also sent for an ultra sound of the uterus and ovaries. Which, did nothing to help me. I was told I don’t have ovarian cysts.

You may be wondering what can be done? My doctor says: Nothing.

Yup, that’s right. There’s no pain management. No cure. And no help for fibrocystic breast pain. You are told either rub prim rose oil on it or deal with it. I actually told my doctor that this was not a good option. Women* are too often told to just deal with it. And I feel like I’m looked at as over reacting. As if radiating breast pain is nothing. It’s not cancer, so suck it up. The Mayo clinic says that severe pain or large painful cysts may warrant treatment. MAY being the key word. Let me tell you, when I compare my symptoms, I fall under the severe pain…and yet, I have been told there is no treatment.

According to one article, fibrocystic breasts aren’t cancer, but they can mean you have an increased risk of getting cancer.

The Mayo clinic says that 1 out of every 2 women can get this. The website Healthline.com says that there’s no treatment, but that advil or Tylenol will help. OR putting a hot or cold compress on your breast can help. Let me tell you, in my opinion, those options don’t work.

Soooo…that’s it. Half of women* are dealing with this breast pain on a daily basis and there is no treatment. WOW. Really? Nothing?

Here’s what I don’t get. According to Advil and Tylenol, you aren’t supposed to take more than so many pills a day and if you exceed that amount you should see a doctor. That doctor says take them anyways, since that’s your only option. Oh by the way, for me, taking this form of pain management doesn’t work.

Here’s my rant: Why does something that effects ½ of the breasts out there not have any treatment? Is it because it’s female*? Is it because it’s a female* issue? Makes you wonder, if this were testicle pain would there be treatment?

So what does this mean for me? Well, I need to get back to my doctor. And do a little more advocating!

Update: Went back to my doctor…I have more to say on this issue…stay tuned!

XO Kells

You’ve gotta fight, for your right, to heeeaaaalllttthhhh care! (cont’d)

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  • Physio
  • Traction
  • More Physio

Last week I talked about my car accident that left me with disabling back pain, the struggle to get a specialist appointment… all while completing my masters & working fulltime.

So the doctors ordered surgery. Finally, I was getting somewhere!

The next hurdle.  I was put on the list for surgery, but was told that it could be years before I get it.

I cried.

I was not going to make it.

I wasn’t thinking about hurting myself, but I understood why those in chronic pain end their lives.

More ideas from the physiotherapist

Thankfully, my lawyer was also there to help me. She got my surgery done in a private clinic a few weeks later. I walked out of surgery standing tall. (also vomiting, but I was able to stand up straight).

Heading in for an MRI (post surgery)
  • Here’s what I realized:  I know my body. And after this whole ordeal, I really learned about my body.  
  • doctors also know what you tell them. Which also means that what the doctors hear and what I say can be 2 different things.
  • I need to ask. Ask for referrals to be sent. Ask for results, ask for the better imaging.
  • And when I hear, well you need to do A before we can do B. Ask that B also be started.

The other thing I learned was that I have put a few other parts of my health on the back burner because I just didn’t have energy to to keep advocating for myself. I wasn’t happy about this…also annoyed, that I would have to speak up again to have my health taken seriously.

As women*, we are often not taken seriously when we tell the doctor that something is wrong.

We are often viewed as overreacting or unable to manage the slightest bit of pain.

We often have to put our health on the back burner because we need to care for others.

This has got to stop!

And it will stop with us advocating for our own health.

Yes, this is a scary thought. BUT we deserve it. AND we need to support each other. We don’t need to do it alone. Please share with your sisters*. We don’t need to be embarrassed. We need the support and their motivation to get through.

My back surgery and injury was a motivator for me to get my health in order. As I have shared before, I need to keep active in order to keep my back health in check. BUT this also motivated me to get the other health issues in my self checked out. I will post on those later.

But please, today, share with your closest person the health concern you have and what you need support with.

And advocate for yourself! You are worth it.