Mind Games

On Wednesday I posted a pic on our IG account with my photo journey of going to the gym (96 and Counting) but I thought maybe I should expand on it. Share a wee bit more on how its been going…

Soooo, after failing many many times with a workout routine I wanted to try something different. I needed to refocus but honestly, I had no idea how.


1 thing I knew for sure, trying to commit to 3 days at the gym a week didn’t work, committing to one month at a time didn’t work. And trying to eat healthy all day every day didn’t work. I was frustrated with myself. Sooo, I found myself back at square 1 (again). What can I try differently…what haven’t I done…oh wait…I haven’t tried one day at a time. Just wake up, do today. And don’t think about tomorrow, next week, the month, the failures…it wasn’t helping anyways.

Sooo I started by taking a picture for every day I made it…and surprise surprise…they started piling up. Hence the “96 and counting”.

Here’s the deal…with focusing on one day at a time, I stopped seeing failures. I stopped losing hope and started to lose inches. Wowzas!

Through this journey I learned something about myself…

if I’m failing, I just throw my hands in the air and let the failure take over.
I’m not getting to the gym as much as I like, oh well I guess I just wont go.

What’s one workout a week gunna do anyways, might as well just not go.

I eat one cookie…might as well eat 3 more.

And here’s the thing…I generally don’t give up on things, I set goals and go for them, hence having a Masters degree. But for some stinking reason when it comes to a healthy lifestyle, I give up way to easy. Tad embarrassing to admit.

So now here I am…10 months in to a day by day plan…and I going strong…I actually feel like going to the gym, and that it’s part of my routine. New feeling…and a gooder. But here’s what I’ve been noticing lately: I’m looking at myself going: geesh Kells its been 10 months, why haven’t you lost more? Why are you still squishy? Why do your arms still look like that? Why do you still have a muffin top and back fat? Why this and why that…and guess what’s seeping in? Those damn thoughts of well its not working so why work so hard? Why keep going? Why not just be happy with what you got and stop trying? Aaack! Why am I my own worst enemy? WHY!?!?

And I know I’m not the only one fighting with myself.

So why do we do it? Why cant we be happy with ourselves and celebrate what we have accomplished. For goodness sakes, I’ve been going to the gym and living a healthier life for 10 months!! That’s the best I’ve ever done, and all I wanna do is cry about some back fat! It’s so silly of me, I want to focus on the negative, and not all the good things.

One of the issues is that I didn’t recognize the warning signs. I didn’t notice the negative self talk seeping in and taking over. I only noticed the other day when I was at the gym, one of the trainers took my picture for their IG page. Which I have no problem with. BUT when I saw the picture I was horrified. I saw every ugly roll, double chin, chubby legged thing I hate about my body. I was embarrassed to think other people have to see this horrific picture. And that’s when I realized, I am being way to hard on myself. And that others are probably not seeing all these things. So you understand what I mean…here’s the picture:

Yup, that’s it. The picture I was so disgusted with. BUT once I noticed how hard I was on myself, I knew I had to stop and rethink. So let me share with you all what you are looking it in this picture.

Improvement!

Hard Work!

Dedication!

Sweat & Tears!

This is a freaking hard station to do. It’s a good butt burner and takes some practice. I have never done well on this particular station. But after 2014, when I had my car accident and back surgery, I really couldn’t do this station. I started with my feet on the floor, then moved up to the big ball. But I had to keep it pinned on the wall for months. It wasn’t until recently that I was strong enough in my back and hips to move the ball away from the wall and do this work out for a full 2 mins. (ok maybe not the full 2 mins, but pretty darn close).

From all this I realized I need to not only rethink how I set work out goals, but also how I fight the negativity I bury myself in.

Here’s what I’m going to add to my day to day; focus on the here and now plan: acceptance and celebrating what I have done.

But like I said, I know I’m not the only one that has these stupid negative thoughts…so please share with me what you do to fight these silly inner voices? I’d love to know how you all fight the good fight!
Please leave your comment below!

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