Self-Care & The Oxford Comma

We keep hearing about the virtues of self-care. But what exactly is it?

Self-care has various definitions depending on which lens you look through Psych Central, Wiki, Mirriam-Webster, Urban Dic.

Psych Central most most aligns with N&K’s definition: something you do merely for yourself in a healthy manner, deliberate, and with personal meaning*. You may be relieved after finishing your to-do list, but this wasn’t done merely for yourself. You are happy you did the laundry that’s been piling up for weeks, but did you do it just for the personal joy?

Why self care?

We’d counter this with ‘why not?’ We spend all day running around, multi tasking, doing what’s expected or asked of us.

Why shouldn’t we do something that’s just for ourselves?

Self care helps relax and de-stress. (Refer to Livescience article and NIMH article.)

How often do I need to do this?

We believe self care should be done daily.

Self care doesn’t have to be complicated or drawn out.

It could be taking 5 minutes to enjoy the unexpected afternoon sun. Doing a facemask with your kid. Having an espresso and cookie (or nookie) with your partner. Practicing your burlesque moves. Singing in the shower. Making your colleagues laugh with a silly joke. Complimenting a stranger**. Taking your pups out for a long hike.

Nals likes to get up early so she has time to enjoy her coffee in the quiet of the morning. Kells likes to take naps on her days off. We like to catch up when we’re both working in the same part of town.

Yeah but isn’t self care selfish?

Absolutely not! As long as it is healthy, done with awareness and has personal meaning. Our old pal Mirriam Webster’s definition. Sure, self care is focused on oneself.

But self care’s focus is not on self-advantage and not with disregard for others.

What’s the Oxford Comma Got to do with it?*

Nothing directly. But self care and The Oxford Comma elicits similar reactions: debates, strong opinions, and misperceptions.

If you do use either or both, do it consistently and with honest intention.

Comment below with how you do self care. Please keep comments PG-13, respectful and on-topic.

Footies
*yep here’s your Oxford comma, folks. Self care consists of 3 separate points: healthy, deliberate and meaningful. Without that last comma, ‘healthy manner’ means that choking down veggies is self care because it is deliberate and meaningful. Add the comma, and you can see that though eating veg is healthy, it may not be with deliberation or personal meaning. Oxford comma, broken down here https://www.grammarly.com/blog/what-is-the-oxford-comma-and-why-do-people-care-so-much-about-it/
** Avoid creepiness.

Welcome to 2019, you gorgeous N&Kers!

While most others are focussing on New Year’s Resolutions posts… here at N&K, we like to do things a little differently.

First thing is first: let’s look at the importance of routine. We feel that routine rules the roost. Once we get back on the horse, many things fall into place- eating better, drinking less alcohol, watching nutritional intake, exercising more, meditating more, increasing awareness of snarky moods.

NY Resolutions are like “diets”… people think that a new year is going to automatically & magically change behaviours. People don’t think things through, don’t plan for obstacles, then fall off the wagon and say… FML, I’m going back to my old habits.

So… During the holidays, we have likely all have stopped our daily healthy routines. We have been indulging in sweets & savouries, taking lots of down time, having lots of sleep-ins. Or, maybe we’ve been the hosts of a huge family/friend gathering and the anxiety of making things perfect for the guests. Perhaps we are in retail business, so we’ve been stressed with working: making quotas, working OT, plastering on smiles…

Nals started the downward spiral in early December. I was getting ready for a performance. So, I was practicing a lot & doing late night dress rehearsals. I was going to bed late, not eating at my usual times, and not doing meal prep… I wasn’t exercising at my usual times or places so it all went to hell in a hand basket PDQ. Right now, I’m probably sleeping off the ringing-in of The New Year in NZ. (BTW, one of the first folks in the world to do so!) So when I get back into GVA, I’m going to start off by getting proper groceries, doing meal prep, and getting back into my early-to-bed early-to-rise routine. That’ll be best, & also will help me mitigate that bloody jet lag.


Kells’s routine was mucked up due to the common December cold. Usually I just power through the cold and keep it going… but this year I was exhausted and slightly feverish. So I missed one day, then a few days, then a week. Yikes! And here’s the thing, it was so easy to fall. Way to easy. I was getting pretty proud of myself for not falling…be even the mighty fall. Hahaha!

Ok…so I got a cold and I’m not going to the gym, and it wasn’t far after that, I wasn’t eating well and wasn’t drinking lots of water! And it didn’t help I made 4 types of cookies. And we all know it’s coming…holidays, cookies, turkey dinners and we plan for it…even I planned for it. I was determined not to fall but down I went.

But now its time to get back in the swing…and honestly I’m not looking forward to squeezing myself into the gym with all the new years resolutionars. But unfortunately it’s part of the process of getting back at it after the holidays, just happens to fall in January.

I just want to suggest that before you dive into the gym, work on your SMART goals and figure out your motivation (what is motivation, what’s your motivation and how does your motivation help you). Nals and I have talked about it many times in our previous posts so I really recommend scanning through those.

How about you guys? How will you get back on track?

N&K’s Christmas Day 3: Blankets & Sleeping Bags

N&Ks 7 Days of Christmas continues!


K&I pledged on Giving Tuesday that we’d get the word out about giving back.  And if N&K are winners un the contest, our fave charities (Canadian Women Foundation and CARENellies) will get to split $2500!


 

K&I love to be warm and cosy.   And, here in the PNW, it’s getting pretty nippy.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could all be cosy?  A good coat or blanket can cost >$50.

But what if you couldn’t afford this? Or you have  dependents to feed & keep warm, too? This brings us to the list that we’ve compiled for you generous N&Kers.

 

🌲 Day 3 🌲

BLANKETS, SLEEPING BAGS, COATS

 

Blanket Drive  – an oldie but a goodie
Nightshift Ministries – a faith-based organization that meets the needs of people where they are at.
Many companies have partnered up So that you can drop off at a blanket at convenient location: Blanket BC.
Got coat? The Straight has a fab list right here.
Coats for Kids & Families 
Lotus Light did a Care Package last year with sleeping bags.  Nothing listed yet for this year but here’s a link to 2017.

Giving Tuesday

Kells & I love shopping, looking good, eating well and just enjoying life. And, we love to give back when we can.

This year we want to feature 7 Days of Christmas Giving. And why not introduce this on Giving Back Tuesday which is today, november 27.

This is a global movement to… you guessed it: give back. What a perfect time than right after Black Friday? Giving back comes in many forms:

donating money or items

fundraising

raising awareness

giving time (volunteering)

And which charities or organizations, you may ask? Any one that you see fit, folks!

So stay tuned for our fabulous 7 Days of Christmas Giving starting December 1.

 

Wake Up Before You Go Go

October is Women’s Health month here on N&K. Today, nals will be discussing self esteem.

When I was heavier, I felt bombarded with images of thin, smooth-skinned, tall ladies as ‘beautiful’. If it was North American media, then tanned vixens. And if Bollywood media, then fair-skinned maidens. No one looked like me: pear-shaped, bespectacled, with frizzy unkempt waves & darker skinned… unless it was an actor who played an evil Bollywood mom. Or, was the star of a self-named comedy show (see posts on Tips 1-4, 5-8, 9-10). And I wasn’t any of those adjectives either!

And these thin women were portrayed as The Ultimate Show Ponies, dripping with confidence, promise, fulfilling lifestyles, happiness and sex appeal. Today, I say “Bravo!” to advertising and entertainment sectors for the deep ingrainment. They worked hard to get that image across.  At the time, it didn’t occur to me that I didn’t know anyone else that looked like that, either. Move over Manson² and Heaven’s Gate, Media is the Ultimate brainwasher.

Keep in mind, my teen years were spent poring over glossy magazines with shiny images, talking on the phone with friends, and watching TV. We didn’t have internet or cell phones. My escape was TV and staying up late reading books¹. So growing up with rigid ideas of what the perfect 2-D body looks like makes a regular 3-D girl feel less-than.

In all honesty I thought once I lost weight³, I would be happier. Things would magically fall into place. Of course this is real-life, not a fairy tale.

Happiness is something you attain. It is not bestowed upon you.

 

 

I had to really think about what would make me happy. I love reading, photography, the theatre

and writing. I love all kinds of dance. I am happy when beautiful things surround me: people, clothes, art, wine, food. And I am happy after I have challenged myself.

I try to do things to push my personal boundaries like co-writing this blog. (Yes, I love writing but it’s not easy to put yourself out there.) I’ve taken loads of pictures, in public. Then put up these up for you all to see.

 

 

And last week, I started a burlesque class with Kells. Yes, burlesque. I love how bawdy, welcoming, tongue-in-cheek, flirty, raucous it is. And we had no idea about its fabulously clandestine history

This is an intro class, with a lovely range of ladies across sizes, ages, shapes and abilities. About one third took the class to push themselves, have fun and become more comfortable in their own skin.  Some of the same reasons as N&K!

I would say I’m a happier person, having pushed personal boundaries and embracing all aspects of myself. Am I positive and happy 100% of the time? Of course not. Real life has ups and downs. But if you want to lead a more fulfilling lifestyle…
you gotta wake the F up. Self-evaluate and make a plan of change.
Don’t just chug along with life. Grab it by the horns and point it in the right direction!

Footnotes
1 Thanks Judy Blume, Stephen King, Danielle Steele, Isaac Asimov for keeping me up too late
2 Charles, not Marilyn
3 According to a female family member, all I needed to do in my teen years, was lose weight, get rid of unsightly zits and get toss the glasses. (She was unsure of this last thing, as presumably, there were attractive librarians with glasses.) This aunt was a solid support to me. She never lied. But, she encouraged my strengths and didn’t let me forget them. And I adored her. (She was the next best thing to sliced bread!) So when she gave me this unsolicited bit of advice, which came out of the blue, I was heartbroken.